


The Bicameral Ball

by Lemony_Snicket (CompleteIndie)



Series: The Alleviating Aftermath [6]
Category: A Series of Unfortunate Events - Lemony Snicket
Genre: Multi, Years Later
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-06
Updated: 2019-07-06
Packaged: 2020-06-22 06:34:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,094
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19661788
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CompleteIndie/pseuds/Lemony_Snicket
Summary: Dear Reader,Miraculously, I am not dead. What should be dead, is this story.I side you will find nothing but tragic tales, sappy reunions, and an annoying girl who took after her adoptive mother.Not only that, but you will have needed to readThe Alleviating Aftermathas well.I, however, am going for a root beer float, and am too busy to try and stop you.With all due respect,Lemony Snicket





	The Bicameral Ball

Words are incredible. Like omnificient. It's a word that means unlimited in creative power. It's an odd word, for sure. But it shows the rich, expansive field of words I have to choose from.

Many words can be used to describe the ball that the Baudelaires and Quagmires were about to attend, although notably, the two groups are not so easily defined anymore.

Indeed, Quagmire now entailed Duncan, and Quigley, as to be expected, as well as their wives, Violet and Fiona. Baudelaire, on the other hand, was a term which could come to apply to Klaus and Sunny, as to be perfectly expected, alongside Klaus’ wife, Isadora.

Klaus and Isadora had arrived home from their honeymoon a week prior, and just in time. They received a telegram, labelled Volunteer Factual Dispatch, asking any and all volunteers to attend the upcoming ball at the rebuilt headquarters in the Mortmain Mountains. It also specifically said that the Baudelaires and Quagmires had to attend, as this was very important, and focused on them. I know what it said, I wrote it.

So, we arrive at the ball. The headquarters, now at its former glory, a phrase here meaning ‘back to how it was before it got burned to the ground’, stood tall, and hand-in-hand, the no-longer children walked in.

There were many familiar faces, both good and bad. The seven people braced themselves.

The night was about to begin.

* * *

Violet couldn’t help but recognize their former guardian, Jerome Squalor.

“Baudelaires! It’s been so long!” Jerome said. Despite how Jerome was now sixty-one years old, the years had been kind to him, a phrase here meaning ‘he looked almost as he had thirteen years ago, aside from his hair greying a little bit’.

“Jerome!” Sunny and Violet exclaimed. Duncan and Quigley formally introduced themselves to Jerome, and then to Charles, his new husband.

“I wanted to be there for the trial, Baudelaires, and I apologize for not making it.” Charles apologized. “But a freak storm came out of nowhere, and ruined parts of the lumber mill. I needed to stay and work on it.”

“We understand.” Sunny said.

“So, what brings you here?” Violet asked Jerome and Charles.

“After the trial, me and Charlie decided to officially join V.F.D. Thanks to being around Esme for so many years, I understood the financial sector better than almost anyone.” Jerome said, before smiling wide. “In fact, I managed to become the city’s _absolute_ most important financial advisor. I managed to make it so The Daily Punctilio isn’t allowed to run what’s ‘in’ and what’s ‘out’ anymore, too.”

Charles smirked. “That was because he was fed up with it, not because it was right.”

“It’s a win-win.”

“You’ve gotten bolder.” Violet pointed out, more so as a compliment.

“You’d be surprised what living with Esme does to you.” Jerome said. “With her out of my life, and with Charlie here in my life, I managed to leave the small, silent side of me behind. I’ve never felt more free.”

“We’re happy for you, Jerome. You too, Charles.” Violet said.

“I apologize.” Charles said, suddenly. “Years ago. I told you how Sir had a terrible childhood, trying to justify his actions. But look at you, you’ve had it worse, and you’re not taking your anger out on anyone, let alone children. I should have stood up.”

“Charlie, no one knew quite was happening.”

Sunny patted Charles on the back. “It’s fine, Charles. That was years ago.”

“So, do you know what this whole thing is about?” Jerome asked.

“We were hoping you would know.” Duncan said.

“Us? The telegram Lemony sent said that you were the guests of honor.”

“Doesn’t mean we know why.” Quigley said.

“Hmmm… Well, we’ll find out soon.” Jerome said cheerfully. “Enjoy your night, children. Well, I suppose not children…” Jerome added, wistfully.

“You too, Jerome. See you soon.” Violet said, smiling.

* * *

“H-hold on…” Isadora said, sticking her arm out. “Is that…?”

Klaus groaned. He had only ever met one person that wore that much goddamn pink.

“What are you cakesniffers doing here?”

“Carmelita Spats…” Klaus said, gritting his teeth.

“We’re the guests of honour. Why are _you_ here, Carmelita?” Isadora said.

“To do a tap dance recital!” She said proudly.

“You’re still a part of V.F.D.?” Klaus inquired, surprised.

“Of course I am, cakesniffers!” Carmelita Spats spat out.

“Carmelita?” Isadora said slowly. “Shut up.”

With that, Isadora turned around, storming off from Carmelita.

“So, Carmelita is still part of V.F.D.” Klaus said, miffed, miffed being a word here meaning ‘annoyed’.

“Seems to be. She followed after Esme.”

“At least Esme was a good actress...” Klaus pointed out. "Fooled us for a while."

“True.” Isadora chuckled, and the two left hand in hand.

* * *

It was many hours. And now? All of the volunteers and villains alike were seated, the Quagmire and Baudelaire families near the front of the room.

There stood a stage, and on that stage were three people, all of which looked alike.

Frank, Ernest, and Dewey Denouement, the last of which who was on V.F.D. business for the first time in over 13 years.

They welcomed all the volunteers, before smiling softly, and with outright stretched hands, they gave Dewey the spotlight.

"With the deaths of many V.F.D. agents, almost no members were there for the original fight for the Sugar Bowl. All of the participants have either died, gone missing, or never cared for bowl, such as myself."

Dewey pulled out a small blue tea kit component from under his jacket.

"This. This has caused worlds of suffrage. The content inside is outdated by almost two decades, and serves as nothing but a very fancy decor piece. Which is why, I am VERY glad to do this."

With that, Dewey held the Sugar Bowl, and dropped it onto the ground, and the sound of fracturing glass was heard for all to hear.

A cold silence rang out, and for a second, it seemed like the world stopped. But soon, one by one, everyone in the room seemed to relax or cheer up. I know for a fact that I myself was perfectly relaxed, as there was no longer a reason to be hunted down by my enemies.

The Baudelaires and Quagmires were happy too. They knew now no one would ever hurt them for that goddamn sugar bowl again.

“That was surprisingly cathartic.” Dewey noted, before glancing at the crowd. "Now, for the real point of the night…"

"Will the Baudelaires and Quagmires please come up?"

Perhaps you have been chosen for something in your life. If not, I feel very sorry, and please ask someone to choose you as a team mate in a game. If you have been chosen, it is sometimes surprising. You might freeze.

The Baudelaires and Quagmires froze. After a few seconds, they started moving, up beside Dewey.

"The Baudelaires and Quagmires have done a great deal for themselves and V.F.D., and have taken our motto to the core. They live in a quiet world, and are beacons of hope for newer agents." Dewey said, looking at them proudly.

"Which is why I'm glad to promote them to our highest available rank, the Verified Final Director, or in this case, Directors." Dewey said. "They are the last line of command, in charge of the V.F.D. For the first time since its founding, we have all agreed on who would best run the organization. You seven are now in charge of all V.F.D. affairs, when you want to be involved, of course."

The children-that-grew-up looked at Dewey shocked, before he added, "I'm sorry for springing this on you. But we'd like you to say a few words."

Violet held the mic first. "A-as the eldest Baudelaire, I'd like to say…" She stammered, voice cracking. "I'd like to say thank you to those who believed in us. Dewey, Kit, Lemony, the Quagmires, Jerome, Charles, Fiona and even Fernald, as well as those that we lost — Monty, Josephine, even our parents." She choked up. "Without them, we wouldn't be standing here, or anywhere else today." Violet said, passing the mic to Duncan, who was holding her close.

"When we were young, our parents told me, Quiggles, and Izzy that we would always be there for each other. And then we weren't. The Baudelaires reunited us. And then? They became part of our family." Duncan said, stammering over his words, before kissing Violet on the cheek quickly. He continued, quite confident. "They say the world is quiet, but it isn't. The world is fucking burning. But… When you manage to make an oasis, even fire can't hurt you. And it can't. Not anymore." He said, and as he started choking up, he passed the mic to Klaus.

"I… am not ready for this." Klaus said. "I-if you had asked me thirteen years ago, where I saw myself today, I would laugh at you. Thirteen years dodging the evil of the world seemed impossible, less than a pipe dream. But despite it all, we survived. The Quagmires saved us. And that's what friends are for." He said, and as he started crying happy tears, he passed the mic to Isadora.

"Everyone is stealing my words." Isadora started, looking at the crowd. "But I don't think there's much to add. I could go on for hours. Perhaps our time at Prufrock. Or when Esme Squalor showed her true colors. When the Trial of Count Olaf happened. Or our new home. Or Violet's kidnapping. Or the Denouement Fire." She said. "I could tell you about our first Christmas together, our birthday, our return to school. Me and Klaus's wedding, me and Duncan's constant challenges, me and Sunny teaching me how to cook, or the days me, Violet, and Quigley would spend getting more than a little tipsy over life stories. But, in all honesty? I don't have to. They've been there through thick and thin, and I owe them this happiness. I hope you're proud, mom." She said, passing the mic to Sunny.

"When all this happened, I was one year old. I don't remember much. But I've heard the stories, and seen my nightmares. Child PTSD is not fun…" She added sadly, before smiling. "And yet here I stand today, one of the most powerful people in the world. There's not much I can say, since my family saved no words for me. Aside from this: We made our home. Together." She said, and passed the mic to Fiona.

"I met the Baudelaires late. Almost the end of the journey. The Quagmires even later." Fiona started. "I fell for Klaus, hated Violet. And after leaving them, I thought our lives were forever ruined, never able to cross without crossing knives. Yet we did. And we are happy." She said, smiling. "My father died six years ago. But his dying words stuck with me forever. He was happy, holding me, and not the other way around. And he told me 'You didn't hesitate. Instead, you made me proud.'. The one who hesitates is lost, he always said. And now? I'm found."

Quigley took the mic. "Final honors to me? Okay then." He looked around, desperate for words. "I could tell you anything, really. I could tell you about my first kiss, or about the trial. I could tell you anything happy or sad, ranging from Christmas to rehab. But now? The only thing I can do is correct Duncan in the way only I know best. You're wrong, big brother. The world is quiet. It may be burning, but for us? We made it a quiet place. We did it. For James, Moxie, Bertrand, and Beatrice. We did it."

He smiled, and passed the mic to a Dewey Denouement lost for words.

"T-thanks you…" He said, before smiling at the audience. "There you have it. Unfortunately, your ride will be here soon, so please, grab your coats and depart while I scoop up this worthless sugar bowl." He said, gesturing the Baudelaires off stage.

As they got off, I saw them hug.

They were right. The world isn't quiet. It's a fucking firefield. But if you devote yourself, you can make anything a happy ending.

This was for Beatrice. Always will be.

But now? It's also for these kids, this family. My family.

Maybe I can finally sell my typewriter. Get some fresh air. Sunlight.

These are likely the last typed words of Lemony Snicket.

With all due respect.


End file.
